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A Na'vi RPG, and the easy way to escape to Pandora.


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    Pandora [Comments Only]

    Admin
    Admin
    Angtsìka Makto
    Palulukan Makto
    Toruk Makto
    Angtsìka Makto  Palulukan Makto  Toruk Makto


    Posts : 414
    Join date : 2011-02-10
    Location : The Midwest ;)

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    Post  Admin Wed May 18, 2011 5:37 am

    Please post your comments/questions/concerns here regarding Pandora , the only true story I've ever finished.

    And yeah, my writing isn't the best. I've taken classes. I've gotten better.
    Llanu
    Llanu
    'Eveng
    'Eveng


    Posts : 85
    Join date : 2011-03-15
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    Post  Llanu Thu May 19, 2011 3:26 am

    So, how are you going to post it? Are you going to do it little bits at a time...like...post a little bit of part one here, add a little there?

    Admin
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    Angtsìka Makto
    Palulukan Makto
    Toruk Makto
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    Posts : 414
    Join date : 2011-02-10
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    Post  Admin Thu May 19, 2011 3:28 am

    Llanu wrote:So, how are you going to post it? Are you going to do it little bits at a time...like...post a little bit of part one here, add a little there?


    Sran(e). I don't have the time to post it all at once; my brother's going on his senior trip, and it's kinda hectic, because he does a lot of house-work and...
    You get the idea, right?
    Tsteu Nantang
    Tsteu Nantang
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    Palulukan Makto
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    Post  Tsteu Nantang Thu May 19, 2011 4:21 am

    Nice so far beyond a few typos and formating issues very nice.

    My only main complaint is regarding this section:

    "Have you gotten your immunizations?" I nodded slowly. "Very good," she turned the page
    "Have you...," (Try to imagine that as Grace's voice fading, I guess...)

    I believe there is a way to transition to the next paragraph without the parenthesis. You could say something like:

    There were more than a few questions. After several hours of "Have you..." and "Are you..." Grace was finally satisfied and I was able to rest in my bunk.

    Or (Assuming this is meant to be a narrative from the main characters point of view):

    The questions blurred together in my head. After what felt like a long time I was finally able to rest in my bunk.

    Or something along those lines.
    Admin
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    Angtsìka Makto
    Palulukan Makto
    Toruk Makto
    Angtsìka Makto  Palulukan Makto  Toruk Makto


    Posts : 414
    Join date : 2011-02-10
    Location : The Midwest ;)

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    Post  Admin Thu May 19, 2011 6:48 am

    Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

    Nawm(a) irayo,
    Admin
    Tsteu Nantang
    Tsteu Nantang
    Moderator
    Leader of the Omaticaya
    Palulukan Makto
    Moderator  Leader of the Omaticaya  Palulukan Makto


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    Post  Tsteu Nantang Thu May 19, 2011 6:59 am

    Admin wrote:Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

    Nawm(a) irayo,
    Admin
    No problem and don't worry about credit. I gave up on my own FanFic so I hope I can help others.
    Admin
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    Angtsìka Makto
    Palulukan Makto
    Toruk Makto
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    Posts : 414
    Join date : 2011-02-10
    Location : The Midwest ;)

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    Post  Admin Thu May 19, 2011 7:36 am

    Tsteu Nantang wrote:
    Admin wrote:Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

    Nawm(a) irayo,
    Admin
    No problem and don't worry about credit. I gave up on my own FanFic so I hope I can help others.
    Well it's good you are willing Smile
    You never know when somebody (Ehem, me...hrh) might need a helping hand!

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