A Na'vi RPG, and the easy way to escape to Pandora.


    Pandora [Comments Only]

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    Pandora [Comments Only]

    Post  Admin on Wed May 18, 2011 5:37 am

    Please post your comments/questions/concerns here regarding Pandora , the only true story I've ever finished.

    And yeah, my writing isn't the best. I've taken classes. I've gotten better.


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    Re: Pandora [Comments Only]

    Post  Llanu on Thu May 19, 2011 3:26 am

    So, how are you going to post it? Are you going to do it little bits at a time...like...post a little bit of part one here, add a little there?

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    Re: Pandora [Comments Only]

    Post  Admin on Thu May 19, 2011 3:28 am

    Llanu wrote:So, how are you going to post it? Are you going to do it little bits at a time...like...post a little bit of part one here, add a little there?


    Sran(e). I don't have the time to post it all at once; my brother's going on his senior trip, and it's kinda hectic, because he does a lot of house-work and...
    You get the idea, right?


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    Re: Pandora [Comments Only]

    Post  Tsteu Nantang on Thu May 19, 2011 4:21 am

    Nice so far beyond a few typos and formating issues very nice.

    My only main complaint is regarding this section:

    "Have you gotten your immunizations?" I nodded slowly. "Very good," she turned the page
    "Have you...," (Try to imagine that as Grace's voice fading, I guess...)

    I believe there is a way to transition to the next paragraph without the parenthesis. You could say something like:

    There were more than a few questions. After several hours of "Have you..." and "Are you..." Grace was finally satisfied and I was able to rest in my bunk.

    Or (Assuming this is meant to be a narrative from the main characters point of view):

    The questions blurred together in my head. After what felt like a long time I was finally able to rest in my bunk.

    Or something along those lines.


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    Re: Pandora [Comments Only]

    Post  Admin on Thu May 19, 2011 6:48 am

    Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

    Nawm(a) irayo,
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    Re: Pandora [Comments Only]

    Post  Tsteu Nantang on Thu May 19, 2011 6:59 am

    Admin wrote:Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

    Nawm(a) irayo,
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    No problem and don't worry about credit. I gave up on my own FanFic so I hope I can help others.


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    Re: Pandora [Comments Only]

    Post  Admin on Thu May 19, 2011 7:36 am

    Tsteu Nantang wrote:
    Admin wrote:Now THAT is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for the feedback, and I really like the other ending suggestions. I'll change it, and give you the credit, okay?

    Nawm(a) irayo,
    Admin
    No problem and don't worry about credit. I gave up on my own FanFic so I hope I can help others.
    Well it's good you are willing Smile
    You never know when somebody (Ehem, me...hrh) might need a helping hand!


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